You Can't Self-Improve Your Way to Self-Worth

I was feeling really low and burnt out, stuck in this eternal loop a few weeks ago. I actively tried to clean up my energy, thoughts, feelings, and habits, but it still wasn't enough.

I felt like I was never where I wanted to be, even though I was constantly doing “self-improvement stuff”. Then I had a thought: How do you find that balance in self-improvement, knowing you are enough and worthy today, while still being open and willing to grow, elevate, and improve?

How can I be confident in my worth without getting stuck in the never-ending self-improvement loop, constantly thinking, "I just need to be 10% better here, 5% there, and then I'll be worthy of x, y, & z."

That way of thinking is toxic, and it's honestly a good way to hide that you don't feel worthy of what you want – continually saying you're not good enough because you haven't improved enough.

It's genius, but what I realize is that self-worth has to be detached from self-improvement.

We are inherently worthy of whatever we desire simply because we exist. Self-worth should be unconditional. My self-worth doesn't depend on my ability or output.

There is a difference between self-confidence and self-worth. Self-confidence is built through showing up for yourself, maintaining habits, and succeeding.

Self-confidence goes up and down based on external circumstances. But worth does not.

I make healthy and beneficial choices because I am worthy, not to become worthy.

When that statement is flipped, it's easy to burn out over and over again because you feel like you're putting on a performance or show to pretend to get something you're not.

And you wonder why it doesn't work because you don't believe you're worthy of it. You're trying to work your way to worthiness.

It's how so many people, including me, use self-improvement and growth as a cover-up for a lack of worthiness. "Oh, if I just do this, change this, achieve this, maintain this for six weeks, buy that, make this amount of money, or move here, I'll be worthy of everything I want. I'll feel whole. I'll be worthy because my surroundings are telling me I'm worthy."

Well, newsflash: it doesn't work that way. Worthiness isn't something that comes from the world; it's something that comes from within, and only you can give it to yourself.

We've all got the thing we've wanted and still felt like something was missing. This could be why.

Because you are worthy, you can have the dream car, house, job, money, love, and career. But you have to give yourself that permission first. Let the old stories go that A, B, C, or D needs to change or be better.

Just be yourself and know that that's enough. You can make mistakes, fail, look stupid, or even be rejected, and still know that you are worthy, and any other emotions in the moment will pass.

Stop the old story today. It only perpetuates shit from the past, and that's what you'll see more of in your reality. Believe you are worthy, and so will everyone else. And if someone doesn't, so what?

Ask yourself where you've been thinking, "If I just change this, then I can get this other thing." Change it because you are worthy of holding yourself to a higher standard, not because you have to act your way to worthiness.

Here’s some things I’ve found helpful for improving my self worth:

Radical Self-Acceptance

• Accept yourself completely as you are right now, flaws and all

• Realize that your worth is intrinsic and not contingent on achievements

• Practice self-compassion and talk to yourself like you would a good friend

Reframe Self-Criticism

• Notice when you are being overly self-critical

• Ask yourself if you would say those things to someone you care about

• Replace harsh judgments with more understanding self-talk

Separate Self-Worth from Outcomes

• Detach your inherent worth from pursuit of goals/ambitions

• Strive for excellence but don't hinge self-worth on results

• Celebrate effort and growth, not just achievements

Cultivate Supportive Relationships

• Surround yourself with people who appreciate you for who you are

• Limit time with those who diminish or conditionally approve of you

• Build a self-worth reinforcement circle

Explore Your Values and Purpose

• Get clear on what really matters to you intrinsically

• Align your daily actions with your core values

• Derive worth from living with integrity, not external validation

Give Back and Be of Service

• Focusing outward can counteract self-absorption

• Helping others reinforces your inherent value

• Contribution elevates self-worth beyond ego

Be Willing to Let Go

• Release demands for perfection and approval

• Allow yourself to be imperfect and flawed

• Practice vulnerability, it's courageous

The key is developing an unshakeable core sense of self-worth that is unconditional, while still striving to grow and improve in life. It's a balanced inner stance of self-acceptance and motivation for better.

Creatively yours,

Diamond

P.S. I’m currently reading Worthy by Jamie Kern Lima and it couldn’t have been better timing because she literally just released the book when I started diving it my worthiness. Check it out here if you’d like it’s on sale at Target!